the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
