I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
