Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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