this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize