My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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