Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize