ADVERTISEMENT

• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Fav 136 8444 56811

  share tweet
  

• (+32): View more from Belgium

  Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.

  Fav 55 7433 1816

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.

  Fav 21 6830 851

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Fav 48 26746 2046

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Fav 27 9054 2080

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no

  Fav 1 3665 1214

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Fav 23 7110 1578

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

  Fav 19 1853 3593

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

  Fav 7 1874 717

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this

  Fav 6 2017 810

  share tweet
  

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.

  Fav 5 879 591

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.

  Fav 0 683 533

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.

  Fav 0 289 200

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning

  Fav 3 300 547

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers

  Fav 0 33 0

  share tweet
  

Randomize