Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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