Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
