mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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