just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
