after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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