i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
