Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My bed smells like the plague
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
