This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
