my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
accomplished twins. life is a go
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
