I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize