I want to make a zoo with you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
