Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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