you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize