i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
