how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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