She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
