just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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