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And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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