I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
