soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
