I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
