On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
