I feel like abortions should bother me more
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
