Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
