Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
