the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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