NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize