tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
