Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm at about main and main street
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
