anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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