normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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