i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
