I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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