Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
