the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
