i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize