it wasn't lemon gatorade
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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