Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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