Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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