Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
