Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
