I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
