I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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