what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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