just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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