I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
