I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
