i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
