I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
