just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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