I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
