I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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