he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
