so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
