I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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