Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
