she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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