I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
where are my eyebrows?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
