I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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