He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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