Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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