I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize