quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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