She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
