i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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