just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
