is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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