I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
