we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
