Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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