It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize