for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
