Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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