does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
