sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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