Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
