I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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