My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
