call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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