Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
