Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I pour the whiskey from now on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
