Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
