I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
