dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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