I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
