hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
