She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
