I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
