i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
