I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
