hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
