in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
