did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
