i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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