I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
