ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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