She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
this hospital has no fireball
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
