Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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