Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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