I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
