1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
